Little Notes for Little Eli -Part 5

5/13
Baby Boy,

We are getting the best, cutest, most fantastic stuff!  
You now have a sweet little bed courtesy of all your wonderful grandparents (Mama, Papa, Granny, Grandaddy and Nana!)... a happy little elephant friend (thanks Mama), cute clothes from your Aunts and other "Aunts".  You are one loved little dude!

You are going to be well-rested AND super stylish ;)

Love you,
Mom

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5/14
Wild-Child,

Daddy felt you moving around last night! You have been quite busy rolling around and stretching I'm guessing because I'll feel you on one side and another at the same time.  It's really quite funny. The sensation is pretty awesome -although I do feel a little like I belong in a sci-fi movie some days. ;)
It's extra cool though to feel you on the outside.  For a few days I would think I could feel you on the outside of my belly but just wasn't sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, since I could feel you inside too.  But alas, I told your dad to just rest his hand for a minute and sure enough you were busy enough to punch him a few times.

Loving the constant reminder that you are with me,
Mom

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5/16
Little Mister,

We didn't have to go to work today!  We really love having a day off, with no commitments sometimes!

The sweetest thing happened this morning. Every morning before your daddy leaves for work, he wakes me up with kisses and we share a quick- "I love you... Have a good day" and he's off to work. This morning, he kissed me, and he kissed you and told you that he loves you too. You rolled around twice and then back to sleep you went.
I just can't wait to see you in his new daddy arms, Eli.  He has already fallen head over heels for you, little guy. I can only imagine how great you both will be together once you are here! <3
So looking forward to September!

<3 Mommy

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5/19
Precious Resident,

I hope you are enjoying your spacious living quarters for now. Your neighbors have been concerned about your constant late night activities, however. Could try and keep the stomach punching to a minimum between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am?  I know you enjoy practicing your martial arts, but momma's left side is beginning to feel bruised from all the action.

 <3 Your Loving Landlord

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5/20

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5/25
Little man,
What a weekend we had!

Your Aunt Sarah headed up hosting and planning a special shower to celebrate you this Saturday. It was beautiful, and sweet, and oh-so-classy.  There were adorable decorations, a photo wall with fun props, tables with lovely centerpieces, clever games, a mashed potato bar, tasty snacks and an amazing strawberry shortcake flavored elephant cake. Deeeeelicious! 

Our family and friends (Nana, Aunt Mariah, Grandma, Granny, Grandaddy, Grammy, Aunt Emily and Aunt Kristen and Uncle Jason) drove from out of state to visit with us, battling Memorial day traffic and eager ticket-giving police officers along the way.  ;)

So many of our wonderful friends and family decorated and crafted, spent time celebrating with smiles and good food, game-played and gift-gave, sent cards and packages and made our weekend super special!  We got some of the cutest and best gifts imaginable too! I just can't wait to wrap you in soft blankets, dress you up in cute outfits, diaper you, feed you, give you baths, read books, take you on car rides and walks, and watch you play.

We are very loved, Eli. Can you feel it?
You are going to love our Avalon family and your out-of-town family too!

<3
Mommy
 
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5/26
Sweet Boy,

We spent a bit of time in the hospital early in this morning. Momma wasn't feeling so fantastic all evening, with some pretty solid back pain and cramps, so I finally gave in and called the doctor. She told me to come right in to be checked out at labor and delivery. Thankfully you seem to be quite okay and bumping around like crazy in there. Despite some steady contractions (maybe caused by dehydration and a "super-sensitive uterus" -according to the Doctor) nothing progressed past discomfort and you seem to be safe and sound for now. Thank the Lord!

--You need to bake quite a bit longer, so Daddy and I were quite relieved to hear that you weren't on your way yet!  We love you lots and are excited to meet you... but don't want you to make an appearance for quite a while, okay?

Love Always,
Mom and Dad

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5/27
Just you, me, and Maestro.

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6/1
Little Lounger,
 
Firstly, we did it!  We passed our RAM exam!  What a relief. Great job, Baby.  Thanks for not making Momma's brain go too fuzzy during classes.

Also, we have been spending a lot of time in bed over the last few days. We go to work, come home, lay down (or make a nest on the couch), try to eat something, drink masses of water, and just hang out.

We've watched a lot of movies, and gotten our fill of the Big Bang theory and Law and Order and all sorts of other ridiculous TV shows.  We have also been crafting up a storm! We have this system worked out.  I pick something up, ask you a question like, "Eli, should we use this scrapbook paper or try another one? -- Kick once for yes and twice for no." You tend to be pretty decisive but sometimes our system gets a bit messed up when you are busy practicing Karate ...or maybe you are just tired of all the questions?

Thanks for relaxing with me,
Mom

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6/3
Eli,

We had an important appointment today. We needed to make sure that my recent discomforts were not hurting you or causing you to come too early. God certainly answered our prayers.  We had a very kind and understanding doctor that helped put our mind at ease. She explained a lot of things, took the time to listen to our concerns, and even explained some of her own experiences with pregnancy which, in a lot of ways, mirrored my own.

We still have to be very, very, careful... drink water like a fish and rest all the time to keep things at bay ...but I have faith that we will make it, kid! You are totally worth it.

^^I feel like we grew a lot this past week!^^

Love you,
Mom and Dad

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6/11
My Little Man,

We just finished putting stamps on our Thank You notes! We are still collecting a few addresses but... it feels good to get some important things accomplished and show our lovely friends and family our gratitude!

Mama and Papa helped us put up a shelf in your nursery area tonight! And Mama helped me finally get some pictures and mirrors up on the wall in the cottage.  It feel much cozier and homier now.  I've been desperately wanting to 'nest' and organize and beautify everything, so its incredibly nice to finally have some things set up and ready!

Also we are so very excited for your cousin Joci's arrival sometime in the next few weeks! We are praying for a very healthy girl and a healthy Aunt Sarah and a nice, smooth, delivery!  You are just going to love your big-boy cousin Micah too.  I'm sure he will teach you lots of cool things!

Love you bunches and bunches,
<3 Mommy

Little Notes for Little Eli -Part 4

4/10
Sweet Hop-Along,
(It is almost Easter after all.)

Apparently I have tendonitis in my right foot (or at least that's the label the doctor came up with).  I suppose it's from walking a long distance in flat tennis shoes last week or making a slightly long drive without cruise control, or hormones and "loosening" muscles, or perhaps a combination of everything. I'm really not sure. But sometimes I like to tell people ridiculous stories of my adventures.   .
...like saving a school bus of children
...or my MMA competition
...or catching a robber in heels
Hey, the stories may not exactly be true... but they are entertaining.  ;)

So really... I very unexpectedly woke up on Tuesday with pain in my foot. I walked around on it hoping it would start to feel better but by the end of the day it was throbbing and I couldn't sleep ...so your sweet daddy wrapped it up in an ace bandage.

In the morning before work, I couldn't put any pressure on it at all. It hurt so badly that I was laughing hysterically while trying to hobble around. (Apparently this is what I do when I'm in pain -- labor should be fun!) The laughing tears quickly turned to real tears though and I realized that I should see a doctor before things got worse. You, Me, and Mama ended up hobbling into Patient First (looking absolutely ridiculous I might add). The nurses were very kind to us, created a "half-cast" sort of contraption, and eventually taught us to walk with crutches! I've never been on crutches before. Ever! That was certainly an interesting adventure for a very accident prone woman and her wee little guy. ;) 

Work has been quite the event. I'm really not used to sitting still.  And I really don't like having to depend on others to help me do everyday tasks. It certainly gives me a better appreciation for those that have to do this regularly and I'm certainly grateful for the help.  Perhaps this is a gentle(ish) reminder from God, regarding my independent streak and desire to do everything on my own.

We will just keep learning together, won't we?

Love you,
Your accident-prone Momma

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4/15
Baby Boy,

We made it through this week at work, through Easter, cottage preparations, and cleaning. Wow. I certainly feel more blessed than ever to regularly have working limbs, let me tell you! Everything from driving to showing upstairs model apartments to carrying books or food or drinks has been quite an adventure.  I think I've pulled just about every muscle around my abs on these things. But on the bright side -- my arms are going to be buff for summer! ;)

Proud of us,
Mom

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4/24
Little Big Guy, 

We did it! We officially moved.
Furniture was built, baskets and bins and boxes were packed, closets were emptied, the cottage was cleaned, furniture was sold and stored. We have some minor things left to do but it feels so good to have some finality to a month-long preparation.

Breathe easy Baby,
Mom

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4/26
Wiggles McGee,

I felt a funny "popping" sensation low to the left of my tummy while laying very still in bed tonight and I'm pretty sure it was you.

I really like being able to feel you finally,
Mommy

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4/28
Dear (what are our names again)?

We. Are. Exhausted.
The past week has been quite a marathon of work and school and crutching and packing and moving and unpacking and organizing and shopping for things to organize with. We had some wonderful help from friends this week -from cleaning help to borrowing vehicles to transport furniture to heavy lifting. We've been SO blessed to have extra hands to support us this week!  You and I certainly couldn't take on this project alone, kid. Daddy was hugely helpful, along with your Mama and Papa, Aunt Sarah and our sweet friends that loaned us their time and vehicles and scrubbing-power.

I think it's time for... zzzz
zzzz
zz

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4/29
Busy Bee,

20 week appointment! We got to see you again today and confirmed once again that you are, in fact, a little boy!

We also found out that you have a little bit of extra fluid on one kidney, so we are praying that it goes away naturally before our next ultrasound appointment towards the end of the pregnancy. We were told that it tends to be more common in little guys than little girls and often times goes away before you would make your way into our arms. Still, I worry about you. --Other than that minor (potential) issue you seem to be quite perfect -- and VERY active!  (Even the ultrasound tech was impressed with your activity level.) You Sir, are one busy bee! You do not like being prodded and you don't seem to like when Momma lays down flat.  

Oh, and we also finished picking your name!
It was quite an event since your dad and I don't agree on many names :) We love it and we hope you do too. 

...Now I'll have a full name to say when you are busy getting into trouble ;)  --and when I just want to love on you.

Love you so very much, Eli Oliver Rieke. 

<3Your crazy-excited Momma

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5/5

My Little Man, 

Yesterday was a hard day for us.  I suppose my worries about your health and safety due to my high  sugar counts, work stress, school stress, and these blasted hormones sent me into a whirlwind of anxiety. I felt so incredibly discouraged and rather worth-less as a shelter to protect you and grow you. I was an all-out mess. I am trying hard to keep you safe, Eli. I really, really, am.

I wish my body would cooperate a bit better, especially when it's lack of cooperation can jeopardize your well-being. But, like many other things, it's mostly out of my control. All I can do is try my best and pray (a lot) that God will spare you any hurts that come from whatever tough decisions I have to make.

This is my view of us today :)
Mercy, we've been growing like a weed.  My back and neck and shoulders and stomach are certainly all feeling the strain... but no extra weight to report yet, really. Your wonderful Daddy gave us a soothing back massage tonight after we spent the day grocery shopping and preparing snacks and meals for the week and studying and exam-taking and cooking dinner.
We got pampered! It was lovely. He's the best!

I'm eager to see you grow, little guy. -- Not so eager to see me grow ;) but super stoked to be able to enjoy this special time with you. It is quite a gift!

Stay safe, okay?
Momma Bear

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5/13/14
Eli Oliver,

Here we are today:

...and we've officially gained our very first pound together! (It's about time! Our sugar-free/high protein diet, changing hormones and sickly start together hasn't allowed for a great deal of indulgence or accompanying weight gain it seems). Good going, little man! Keep growing big and tough!  I simply can't wait until your Dad can feel your kicks and punches and rolls.  I can definitely tell you've been getting stronger.

Oh and most importantly (on the food front) we've really been into Turkey Avocado BLTs from Panera.  We love our occasional trips to Skinny Dip for frozen yogurt with strawberries and we really like fresh baked mini Tollhouse cookies and milk right now ...like REALLY!  Of course, all of our sweet cravings have to be kept to a minimum but ohhhh what a wonderful treat.  You have good taste little man! ;)

I love you more than sweet tea and caramel lattes combined!  -Just sayin'
Mom

p.s. --Sorry the laptop balanced on my belly and knees is cramping your style ;) I'll keep that in mind next time. 

Little Notes for Little One -Part 3

3/4
Silly Goose,

Today we woke up without an alarm! This never happens. We couldn't sleep in on our day off but ... I did get my hair all beautified and feel refreshed.  I can't wait until the day I get to do your hair too (maybe done like daddy's or braided and bowed).  I know these little notes may seem silly, but they make me feel even closer to you. <3

-Mom

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3/5
Sweetness,

We started RAM school tonight to get certified for momma's job (future job hopefully).  *Your first day at school and you aren't even born yet ;)  We have to go to school on Mondays and Wednesday nights after work for several hours. (I either had to go next year and miss time and snuggles with you or go this year while we are still very much together.) I think this is best for the both of us.  I'm really praying that pregnancy-brain won't hit too hard this trimester.  It's really odd getting back into a classroom and staring at textbooks again,  but we really, really, like learning.

Let's keep these brain cells working, Baby.
Love you,
Mom

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3/8
Peanut,

I hope you are doing well in there, kiddo!
...Now that nausea has mostly subsided, we are now having trouble with our blood sugar! Heavens! We still can't smell food before we eat it or we don't feel well.  You need to be fed every 2 hours (without fail)-- and we have to be very very very picky about what we eat and drink.  And sometimes, even the very best choices and constant snacking, don't quite help with our 'highs and lows' (especially while we sleep).  There is lots of pricking and testing and thinking and choosing and logging in store for us with this new routine.

We are tired and momma has been quite overwhelmed. But it is so worth it if it means I have a healthy You in the end! Let's pray your Daddy can handle all the "highs and lows" of this phase.  ;) We are proving to be quite a hand-full.

Love ya,
<3 Momma Meal-Ticket.

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3/17
Little One,

We really like root beer floats AND we really, really, really like naps!!!
Without nappage, we will either:
a.) Have an emotional meltdown
b.) Fall asleep sitting up or standing up
c.) Turn into a crazy person 
(or all of the above)
...kind of like this poor kid...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN8ohy1qcts

Oh yeah.
This is going to be fun. ;)

Love you bunches,
Mom

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3/20
Baby,

We gave our notice today.  Our little family of three is headed back to the cottage to help with finances and convenience for the temporary.  It's exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time.  I'm so excited about this new chapter, love, but I also know that change isn't easy. We have lots of help and lots of love and God has blessed us with great family and great companies to work for.  I think our plan will help set us up for a less complicated and a bit less burdensome financial future. 

Also Momma is feeling a bit stuffed at the moment. ;) I have to admit- you've been making me feel awfully odd.  I'm not quite big enough to look particularly pregnant- but I'm certainly not fitting into my regular pants.  Keep growin' kid!  I'm sure I'll be plenty plump (and hot) come August and September.

We like walks, and water, and spending time with Daddy. We even "play" video games sometimes.  I'm sure he will teach you to master that controller much better than your Mom.

Love you, Kid
<3 Mom

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3/27
Baby,

Well it's amazing what a difference one week makes. I still can't feel you moving around but boy do I feel pregnant. It's weird how odd having bump makes me feel. I've felt a bit off balance and sleeping on my stomach isn't really comfortable anymore. The belly-band is in full use now as my pants won't quite fit around the waist.  I won't dare to actually complain though. It's so weird -- but wonderful.

I feel so blessed and I know how many ladies with momma-hearts haven't been able to experience this. <3 So thank you, Little One. And thank God for giving me this privilege!

Oh, I almost forgot! Daddy and I heard your heart beating strong on Tuesday. He's my 'lucky charm', I think.  Things always seem to go smoothly when he's around.  --Although your wiggly-ness wasn't making it very easy for the doctor find you.  I think you'll be a pro at hide&seek in the future. ;)

Love, Love, Love,

Momma

p.s. Look at us... aren't we cute ;)  >>>>>>

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4/6

Little Guy,

We got to go to a very special appointment yesterday (after much convincing to your Daddy).  We got to take our time and see you on a moving "4-D" ultrasound!  How cool is that?!  You are still so little and 'fat-free' (I wish I was) ;) ...so it was kind of silly seeing your tiny little self all cuddled up in there but so so sweet!

I've been suspecting you are a boy since I first saw your petite little profile a few weeks ago. You looked JUST like your Daddy! ...and it was absolutely astounding to see you laying with your little elbows up by your face, resting just like your Dad rests.  (I know because he's great at elbowing me in the face in the middle of the night- lol). 
And I knew when the ultrasound tech said she knew your gender pretty much right away that you were, in fact, a wee little man!

I have to admit, Sweetheart, I was so happy and so fearful in that moment.  I've never been a "Mom" and I've only ever "mothered" girls -- so it  has been a bit hard to settle into the idea of having a mini-Jed and not a mini-me. BUT heavens, Boy, you are so very loved!  Your Dad was beaming and I was just so content in knowing how special you are and what an answer to prayer you have been for us!  I can't wait to watch your Dad grow in his love for you and witness your "father-son" bond.  I so desire to share a special bond with you too!


You are SO special to me, Eli!
--Promise that you'll love me and kiss me and snuggle me, still. I promise to let you get dirty and play rough and let your Daddy take the lead on helping you grow up to be a strong, compassionate, and wise man. [Disclaimer: I may try to dress you up like a little old man]- I'm not going to lie - but even if you hate cardigans and bow-ties, do you think you could just give me a few minutes without ripping it off or getting completely dirty? .........  Well, we will work on that ;)

Love you so very much Eli Rieke. <3 
You make my heart melt already.  Heaven-help you when you are in my arms -- I might really smother you with kisses.
<3 <3 <3
Mom

Little Notes for Little One -Part 2

2/9/14
Sweets,

Well today has been an interesting day. Seems as though these hormones are in full swing. Apparently I need to eat something every hour or I turn into a low-blood sugar, terribly nauseous, "hangry", weeping mess.

Speaking of weeping. I was watching cute and silly videos today and couldn't keep myself from crying. It's really quite ridiculous. Mother/son fun wedding dance... Tears. Hallelujah chorus at a shopping mall for Christmas... Tears. Cute puppy... Tears.

Everyone thinks that you must just be a sensitive soul, little one. :)

Love you -- to the point of tears,
;) Mom

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2/11/14
Sweet heavens Baby,

Momma has not been feeling very well.  We don't seem to be liking food much at all right now. I've been trying to drink, drink, drink to keep up hydrated and happy though.  I sure hope you are doing well in there... and that you are growing! -- My hormones certainly seem to know we are changing.

Keep up the good-growing work,
Mom

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2/19/14
Sleepyhead,

We are so tired! Sweet georgia peaches, we can barely keep our eyes open sometimes. Yet oddly enough we can't seem to sleep when we want to most! (See, you are learning so much already... This is what we call "cruel irony")

I imagine we have many sleepless nights ahead of us -- lets just call this a trial run.  I'm sure we will be great snuggle buddies when I finally get to hold you and feed you and sing you songs. I really look forward to those nights. Sleeplessness has such lovely purpose.

I think it's nap time,
Your exhausted Momma

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2/21/14
Tiny,

Your loving and oh-so-excited aunt Mariah has requested pictures of us.  -- However your very small stature, at this point, hasn't allowed for much 'bump-age'.  I do look forward to having some outward proof of your existence though soon! --But maybe not too much "proof" ;)

Thanks for your your consideration,
Mom

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2/24/14
Baby E, 

Granny and Granddaddy came to visit us this weekend. They probably qualify for 'Survivor' now, as they were left to scrounge for food in our empty fridge for a couple of days -- and managed to survive on Fig Newtons, hot tea, oatmeal and tiny cheese wedges.

We still aren't liking food smells or tastes or thoughts of food very much but I think we are on our way to normal snacking soon! Woo hoo!

Hooray for family,
Mom

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2/25/14
Little Love,

Well today marks 11 weeks for us.  We've made it so far, little one. Let's keep going strong! Momma has been quite dizzy recently but my appetite is finally starting to come back. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a recipe for disaster... but I'll take what I can get.  I have felt quite nauseous every day since our first couple of weeks together.  Over the past couple of days, despite nausea, I have been able to enjoy small bits of tasty foods without regretting eating. I do love food. Also, I love you.

Thanks for taking it easy on me this week,
Mommy

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2/28/14
Sweetheart,

You gave us quite a scare yesterday, Love.  We had an appointment on Tuesday and I got to hear you, once again. One quick swipe with a doppler and I heard that little bitty heart beating loud and clear. What a wonderful sound!

But later on that evening we were accidently hit pretty hard in the stomach and mommy was worried that you might have gotten hurt. We went back to the doctor for another quick check on the doppler  just to ease my mind.  Two nurses and a doctor couldn't find your little heart for 45 minutes so we had to wait and come back for an ultrasound days later.

My heart and your daddy's heart were breaking -- not knowing if you were okay. Our gracious friends were able to help us and we got to see you tonight, safe and sound, just wiggling around.
Thankfully you are so little and well-protected at this stage that you seem to be just fine.
(We do think you might have a future in acrobatics or martial arts, though.)  ;)

We love you, Baby, so so so much!  We are so incredibly grateful that our fears weren't confirmed and that you seem to be quite well.

Stay safe and keep practicing for your future acrobatic adventures,

Mom and Dad <3

Little Notes for Little One - Part 1

1/5
Little One,

I can't stop staring at the test that told me that "I" am a "we".
<3

Your uncle Luke was hanging out on our couch and your daddy was laying on the loveseat when I found out that we would have you.  I really didn't expect to get such a wonderful answer and I couldn't contain myself! -- I always assumed that my announcement to your daddy would be a private and very special time (and it was special) --but funny since we were silently celebrating in the bathroom (so your uncle wouldn't hear about you) when those 2 pink lines made their appearance.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.  I wonder how tiny you are and what to expect when we will finally get to see you (via ultrasound). I can't wait to heart your little heart beating. I've been praying hard that you are growing strong.  I can't wait to find out everything about you!

Today your daddy and I talked quite a bit about what we are going to do to prepare for you.   I can't help but smile and want to jump around the room. --I won't be jumping though. I want you to stay snuggled right where you belong. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

I can't wait to meet you! I just. can't. wait.  I have waited for you for (what seems like) an eternity.  I'm so happy that your daddy is so happy! I want to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I meet how excited I am and how special you are. But for now, you are our special secret.

Until we meet, <3
Mommy
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1/10

Sweets,

I'm worried, I'm really worried.  All of a sudden, tonight, in the quiet-- while sifting through (yet again) "what to expect" sites and blogs --I realized how truly worried I am about you.  About losing you.

Obviously I don't 'know' you yet... We haven't spoken, and we haven't "met".  You haven't heard my voice or your dad's. We haven't heard you cry or felt you move --but I love you. So much. And every creative baby announcement pin and every online ultrasound photo and weekly baby calendar remind me how fragile you are and how afraid I am of not being able to completely protect you.  

My heart is racing and I can't make it stop. I want you. I want you. I want you. I'm praying so hard that God lets me have you and keep you and watch you grow.

Giving your life to my Father and yours,   
<3 Mom
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1/21
Little One, 

Your Nana and Aunt Mariah, Granny and Grandaddy, Mama and Papa and your Uncle Luke, Josh, and Aunt Sarah know about you now!  It's been hard keeping my excitement in... but also hard to tell such a special secret because, to be honest, I'm a bit fearful. It was so worth it though.  You are going to be so loved. You are already so, so, loved!

Can't wait for you to meet these awesome people,
Mom
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1/29
Silly Little Thing, 

I ended up telling my boss about you today... because recently you've been making my brain go all kinds of fuzzy! -- and wow, so tired. (I could fall asleep standing up or sitting at my desk. We need to pay the bills so I'm looking forward to this phase being over ...but quite happy because, I assume, that all this means you're going to grow well because these hormones are working well! ;)

Silly thing,
Love you.

Mom

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1/30
Crazy Kid, 

Well, apparently you don't like Chicken (of any kind or any smell) and you've decided you like grape flavored fruit gummies. Odd... considering I don't like grape anything. -- you are your father's child ;) Oh, and mashed potatoes and cranberry juice seem to make you quite happy right now. So we have gotten a buffet of potato and cranberry products for you over the next few weeks.

--You'll probably be a 10 lb baby at this rate ;)

Love You,
Mom

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2/1
Sweetheart, 

We saw you for the very first time today. It was amazing! I had hoped and prayed that we would be able to hear your tiny heart beating... and we did! 

You sounded like a little wooshing freight train.  It was strong enough that we heard it very easily, even though it's so early on. It felt like a huge hug from God. Incredible. He knew how much I wanted to hear you.

I cried and your dad just beamed. We couldn't resist recording that sweet little heart of yours.  I've been listening to it all day. -- and probably will for quite some time.

We also told "the world" that you are joining our family!  Again, you are very loved, Little One. <3

You Daddy is so in love with you too... I can tell. He was telling his gaming friends today that he was going to be a dad and was just beaming when he was recapping for me. 

Always-Always,
Mommy (& Daddy)

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2/7/14
Well kiddo,

Momma seems to be sick.  Apparently your dad and I both got some sort of cold that won't take the hint and move along.  I'm really hoping that my normal nausea and super-sniffer-senses are the only things I have to worry about in the near future.

Apparently you're an indecisive little thing. ;) We have a fridge full of food but we don't like cranberry juice anymore and we don't like any form of meat.  Some of it smells so good... but these crazy taste-buds of ours seem to only taste/smell barn animals or canned tuna (weird). Not so appetizing.  We do like sweet pickles and vanilla ice cream - but not together -- We aren't that cliche ;)  We also really like apples... well, when the tartness doesn't make us gag.

Your dad has been good to us though... bringing us flat ginger ale and opening an obnoxious pickle jar of doom. -- and telling he loves us, even when one of us looks like we've been punched in the eyes and nose a few times.  You are just going to love your dad, little one. Seriously.  It's going to be hard to compete with that guy.  ;)

So that's the update.  I've been praying for you as you grow!  I've been feeding us lots of vitamins -- maybe you and I will be feeling better in no time!

<3,
Mom

Had I But Known That Giving Up is Best

I've been racking my brain for weeks trying to think of something that I haven't already written about (in a passionate but not at all grammatically correct way) that won't make anyone fall asleep and that I actually know something about. Tough, right?

I went through my regular list of "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" (to no avail) and ended up recounting my "expertise" in the areas of southern style sweet tea and attempting to control everything -ever. After amusing myself with significantly snarky "Had I but known" titles, a familiar tune can on my Pandora station.  Ingrid Michaelson's song, Giving Up, which brought me some much needed inspiration.

The very first time I heard this song, I wasn't quite sure what to think. I couldn't understand how a song about giving up could possibly be a love song. But after listening to it on repeat for about an hour, I realized that the song is a.) incredibly catchy and b.) isn't about giving up on someone at all, it's about giving up for them.

Let me explain...

Pop on over to www.annaurquhart.com (The Silent Isle) to see more of this article and other incredibly witty and wise posts from a sweet friend, Anna, and some of her amazing colleagues and friends! I'm so honored to be involved in this great series with wonderful writers (unlike me)  ;) Thank you, Anna.  You are lovely.

What Heaven Looks Like

I have a slight "obsession" (lets say) with sunshine through the clouds. One of my most favorite things about creation is how absolutely breathtaking the sunshine can be when peeking through the clouds.  --  I think to myself, every single time, “I bet this is what heaven looks like.”

Last night while walking with my husband, after eating an oreo mcflurry of deliciousness, Jed drew my attention to the gorgeousness behind us as we were walking down the beach towards our house.  

We stopped on a dune to try and capture the loveliness in pictures and enjoy it before the sun became faint.  I remember briefly thinking, "Wow, I never notice how wonderful the sunshine is until it's beaming through dark clouds."  

--and it hit me --  isn't that so true? 

I felt so content in that moment, so joyful and so grateful for this "little" gift. God knows how much I adore sunrise and sunset.  

That little 'glimpse of heaven' makes my heart feel light and hopeful, even when my emotions are running wild – even through tough times and disappointments. When I see something like this, I want to praise God for how incredible He is.  How could that kind of beauty be an accident? 

And it reminds me, every time, how much I am loved, how beautiful our God is and how excited I am to, one day, be in the most breath-taking place with my Savior. 

--If that moment had a soundtrack, this song would be playing.  

How Great is Our God -Chris Tomlin

Seeing the Shore

I came across this today while looking for some music to lift my spirits. (It's worth watching)  :)



My heart has been so heavy (over the past several weeks) for some of my closest friends. It's been difficult  to watch people I love so deeply struggle so much.

I know that I haven't been the best encourager as I've recently felt it difficult to hold my own head above water.

My encouragement attemps usually consist of hugging, listening, nodding and  attempting to interject something of value.  Something like, " just keep swimming"... "I know this is not easy and honestly, it may not get much easier... but it's going to be worth it."

I often feel like a broken record when attempting to communicate something meaningful- since most of my days are spent trying to convince myself of the same 'meaningful' thing.

When bad things happen, when I'm anxious, and tired, and want to knock someone's block off...
When things are unclear and I can't see past the thick fog... I just keep telling myself:

Pray, Pray, Pray.
-Ask for anxieties to be calmed.
-Ask the Lord for wisdom and for encouragment.
-Ask for joy.
-Ask for protection and provision.
-Ask for peace that passes my own understanding.
-Ask for grace.
-Ask for clarity.
-Ask for a thankful heart.

Knock on doors.
Wait to see if they will open and see what happens next.
-That's really all we can do, right?

Rest.
Regroup.
Refill.
Take some time to be quiet, spend time with God and spend time relaxing or having fun with 'comfortable' people who uplift and encourage.

Oh, and...
Sing a peppy song.
They always help to make this heavy heart feel a bit lighter.



It's so incredibly difficult in times of high anxiety and uncertainty to find a true sense of peace and joy.
...and I think that this phase of life in particular tends to make everything a bit "foggy".

It's hard to see the shore. It's hard to trust in the end result.  It's hard to keep going despite feeling so far from home, so far from certainty and comfort, and so exhausted from pressing forward.
But we do.

And God is pleased.

That is success.  Simply making it to the shore.   -Whether swimming, floating, boating or nearly drowing on the way.

We pray through it, work through it and we do our very best.

Well Done- Moriah Peters

Feeling Blessed

I haven't had a lot to say recently or lots of exciting pictures to post but (as I'm sure, you've experienced or already know about me) when I'm overwhelmed I tend to be quiet  ...or a raging ball of angst. This week, I choose quiet.

I could write about all the ways that this move has been an adjustment... and all the difficulties surrounding change... but this time, I just want to say how grateful I am about how things have fallen into place for us.  Many a prayer has gone up regarding our future, our family, our jobs, and ministry, and finances... and God has been good to answer prayers quite steadily!

I've been impressed with the ease of making it into our new place. Moving a 400 something sq. ft apartment wasn't as taxing as I had made it out to be in my mind.  ;)  We had wonderful help and a gracious landlord that let us move in early so we could go out of town for a week.

Jed and I were able to go on vacation and spend a little time with Dave and Teresa out of our normal environment, which was super fun!  I met some more of Jed's family! They are just so lovely... and fun too! We hung out in the magical world of Disney for a few days... which  made me feel like a toddler again.  And we came back, safe and sound, ready to tackle the next chapter.

I started my new job training a day later and, despite normal 'complications' with any new training situation and new housing, I feel as though I'm gaining a pretty good grasp on what needs to be accomplished and why. The 'why' part tends to be super important to my learning process, so that's especially great. I'm pretty confident that this job is right for me, which is a much needed feeling, given the substantial changes we've made to make this arrangement work.

Jed is doing well and his job is seemingly solid despite recent Regent position cuts. So that alone is a huge blessing. And where pay seems to be falling a bit short nowadays, God has been providing some great little opportunities for a little extra income.  What an amazing blessing that has been!  ...and hopefully will continue to be!

All that being said...

I'm not going to pretend that this month has been an easy one, though. Jed and I have both been sick from raging allergies, making morning quite an event and evenings a bit tense from exhaustion. My "high strung" emotional status hasn't been super pleasant either, I'm sure.

But still,  despite  fluctuating emotions and tiring days, we are feeling so incredibly blessed and hopeful!

I'm excited about the possibilites that await us, with my new job and new (2 bedroom) home ;)  and I'm desperately praying that God will mold me and shape me however He sees fit so I can learn to truly enjoy what he's put in front of me... right now... in this moment.

And also learn to look forward to the future with great expectations regarding God's provisions and promises!

<3 Thanks for checking in.

Love,
Lauren

Change

Change. 

I honestly don’t know.  

Actually...

No.  I'm not ever ready for change. 

I'm not going to lie.  I'm freaking out inside! 

Am I ready to move on Saturday?! yes and no. I feel tense and my stomach is in knots just thinking of all the possibilities for trouble.  

I feel as though things are a bit awkward at the office right now  (which is understandable when one only has 2 weeks left).  

I’m nervous about leaving my job and becoming "bored" in my new situation.  (Which I know sounds ridiculous- I will still be working... but it's going to look and be so much different and "boredom" is a legitimate fear of mine.)  

I'm also scared of new anything. period. 

I’m worried about finances and frankly (selfishly)- I’m a bit freaked out about potentially not having the funds to escape for date nights or girls nights etc... which I've been able to do in recent months.  It's been such a huge blessing to be able to hang out and have pleasant communications (on a whim) and after spending the majority of my days with potty-mouths and angsty-pants over the phone. 

All that to say... 

I guess I'm about as "ready" as I'll ever be.   My 'gut' says that moving and a job change is best right now. God has lined everything up to work out as smoothly as possible, so I can't, in good conscience, conclude that my anxiousness is anything other than fear. 

...So I've been praying these words over and over today.   

I keep praying (requesting) that God's will be done in everything that we choose right now, that God would calm my nerves, and orchestrate the final pieces of the puzzle that would help this planner feel a bit better about all the new that's about to happen. 

...and I keep thinking of what God would say if He was trying to ease my fears.

I think He would hold the sides of my shoulders firmly (yet gently),  look me straight in the eye and say something like...

...then He would pull me in close and hug me tightly (just like my Dad would).

 He'd hold me for a second, take a deep breath and then crack a silly joke to make me smile...

... and pull me back in for another firm hug.  I'd use the shoulder of his dad-shirt as a tissue and then I'd feel...  better. 

I have faith that God will provide the means necessary to make this work as well as the  strength and discipline to be alright. 

  

My fears don't come from lack of trust in God's abilities but rather a lack of trust in my own.  (Which, I must say, is probably a very good thing.)

*I mean,  If I was left to my own devices, I'd probably be 800 pounds due to sweet-tea and chocolate chip pancake intake. I would have racked up the national debt in new blouses and I would be spending all my 'free' time at Disney World. - I'm just sayin'.  

... So it's probably best that I don't trust my spontaneous wants all the time.  I know that God would not approve of my financially irresponsible, gluttonous and vain habits. 

We've prayed and consulted, crunched numbers and re-evaluated our goals.

But the question remains:

Are we really willing to risk our comfort and our obvious security in order to follow His direction?  Am I really willing?

Sometimes change (as scary and risky as it may be) is a step towards hope... a step in the right direction. 

Faith.  

Sometimes faith means being still and waiting.  Sometimes faith is risk-taking. 

Faith is always trusting in God's provision and plan (whether waiting or doing).  

Even when we fail, there may be consequences... but God is bigger than all the wrong we are capable of.  We aren't beyond redemption. We aren't beyond repair.   I'm not beyond repair.  As long as we seek Him, he promises that he will direct our paths. 

Will it look the way we originally expected? Maybe not. 

Will we still be okay?  Yes.  

Our God is loving and gracious and merciful. 

I'm praying desperately that God is very merciful with me during these times of adjustment.  Because if I know anything about myself,  I know that I have a really hard time with new things.  

So I'm praying now... before the new begins... that He will give me a thankful and joyful heart and a very flexible attitude.  

I know good things are happening and I'm so excited to see what He has in store for us in the coming months!

Promise and Purpose for the New Year

Promises for 2013...and always:

Things to Remember this year:

 

Be Grateful:

Be Content:

Be Courageous:

Be Careful:

Be Moldable:

Be Constant in Prayer:

Be Hopeful: 

Be Kind: 

 

Be Realistic:

...Only Jesus can save. 

Be Patient: 

Don't Be Angry: 

Forgive:

 

Don't Compare:

Look Forward:

The new year typically ushers in many 'resolutions'...

New diet plans, work-out routines, new promises, new desires and plenty of hope for new beginnings...

but how many times do we actually follow through? 

How many resolutions die off after a few weeks or months? 

How many things do we start and fail to finish well?

This year, I don't chose 'resolution',

I choose 'revolution'

Revolution in my own life.  

I'm not simply deciding;  I am going to act.  

This not an addition to my daily routine.  It's a replacement of my daily routine.  

It's surrender.

I'm overthrowing anger and bitterness, mistrust, jealousy and fear.

I am going to seek God's face.  (only His face)

I am going to meditate on truth.

I am going to be constant in prayer.

... on a moment by moment basis.

I know that I'm not strong enough, brave enough, or motivated enough on my own... and I know I will fail at times.... but I surrender to what God has for me this year.  It may not be what I want now, it may not be what I think is best,  easiest, or the most 'glamourous'...  

But I'm going to chose to believe that God has me right where he wants me.

I'm going to choose to believe, once again, that God will give my the deepest desires of my heart if I delight myself in him.  I'm going to believe that God sees the unseen and that's good enough for me.

I'm going to believe the best about people.  I'm going to love. I'm going to forgive. I'm going to be glad for others and I'm not going to allow jealousy to creep in and steal my joy.  

I'm going to trade in anger for tears, if that's what it takes. 

I'm going trust that something beautiful is coming.

I'm going to talk to myself like God would talk to me.  

I'm going to assume that others aren't judging me as harshly as I judge myself.

I'm going to take time to be still.

I'm going to be hopeful.  

What's your New Year's Revolution?