Little Notes for Little Eli -Part 6

6/15
Eli,

We worked on your nursery today! You have lots of little books and a sweet elephant lamp (thanks Nana!).  We got you a sound machine so you won't wake when Daddy and I are moseying around the house at bedtime. We bought you a slender little book case and bins for your bedtime stuff and middle of the night quick-change items.

You have such cute decorations too! The little pennants were made by your Aunt Sarah. Granny (and Grammy) made those little felt elephants and we (you and me and daddy) put the little elephant mobile together and hung it up. Your Nana got that perfect nightlight elephant on your book shelf and Your Papa and Mama hung up the shelf that has decorations on it too! 

It's small, but it's home. I think you'll be happy to sprawl out, even in your mini crib after doing 9 months on the inside ;)  I love it and I hope you will too.

Can't wait to bring you home,
Mommy

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6/17

 27 weeks today, Little Guy.  Grow, Baby, Grow!

Chocolate milk and hot cocoa make us very happy before bed!  Also, we did a some of your little laundries today. Every time I see your little outfits and blankets, I just can't help feeling overwhelmed with excitement!  I can't wait to snuggle you!

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6/21
Hungry Man,

We. Love. Macaroni.  I can't say this is a "new" craving ... I've kinda loved mac & cheese since, well, forever.  However the amount of effort I have been willing to exert in order to make mac and cheese says a lot about our desires recently.

No boxed option?  No problem.

Elbow noodles... cheddar cheese... noodles boiling... oven baking... 30 minutes wait time.
-- WILL DO!-- as long as we can eat a ton of it!  It had better be worth our while ;) For whatever reason, it's one of the few things that doesn't seem to make us feel nauseous at the moment.

Hooray for food,
Mom 
 
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6/24

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6/26
Little One,

Here we are at work. It thought it was funny when I put on this on and you were basically covered!  I'm not typically this "thick" in my midsection but it was kinda fun feeling like I wasn't smuggling a volley ball for a brief moment.

This turned out to be a really rough day at work though. Everything was calm until the last 2 hours of the day when everyone in Virginia Beach decided to show up at the apartment. Feast or famine, you know?!  I ended up walking the property 3 times in a row, showing apartments at different sides of the community and climbing several flights of stairs with each prospect. I had a spur-of-the-moment re-show, an application and security deposit to work on, another rental to enter into the database, files to quickly shove together, notes to leave for my co-workers, multiple cash sheets and checks and deposit tickets to add up and put together, phones to forward, a clubhouse to close up and end of day reports to remember to print.  I didn't get to leave work until almost 7:30 (I should leave at 6) and still had to make the drop at the corporate office.

...Needless to say, after exerting so much effort and attempting to maintain professionalism and "spunk" through the end of the day,  Momma had a bit of a breakdown once I left the office. I cried all the way home. Then I cried into my Pedialyte at home for a good long while too. lol

My body really doesn't do well when walking or standing around normally nowadays, let alone walking around outside in the heat with no water break and no resting for almost 2 hours straight. It doesn't sound so bad, I know ... but believe me, in light of our recently altered routines, it was a pretty taxing evening.  I think you were annoyed as well. You kept kicking and kicking -- which didn't help my overly sensitive insides to calm down. Crazy kid.  It is taking a long time to get my body to settle down tonight though. Hopefully the next entry won't include a visit to labor and delivery again.

I'm sure you will eventually witness the ridiculousness that is hormones and exhaustion from your Momma one day and you'll look at me like I'm a nut-case. But do me a favor and just hug me, okay?

Love you to pieces,
Mom

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6/28
Eli,

You have a new little cousin!
(Actually ... I guess you'll be the littlest cousin soon) Hooray, Joci is finally here!!!

We went swimming with Aunt Sarah and Mama on Friday, something we've been wanting to do for a while. It was incredibly nice to cool off in the water and feel no pressure on my body for a little while -- and feel the difference between pregnancy aches and actual pains. I'm sure it was especially nice for Sarah! After all, Joci was getting ready to make her big debut! Around 4 am this morning, we heard it was officially Joci's Birthday!!!

A little bit before we got the happy news from Josh and Sarah, I woke up with some pretty sharp pains (that reminded me of the kinds of pains I had before you and I were together). Those pains in on top of a few days of contractions and discomfort, I thought it was probably best to finally stop second guessing and head to the hospital to be checked out.

You, Sir, were as active as ever and your heart was beating strong. :) This time around contractions were there but not regular like last time! And luckily, no 'progress' was made and we credited the sharp pains to a ruptured cyst and went on our way. We have another appointment in just a few days, so we will see how everything goes then too. I'm beginning to wonder if my work schedule may have to change a little in order to keep me in the best shape to carry you. We will see.

***
In other AWESOME news:

We got to meet sweet Joci this morning!  She's so adorable and she has such chunky little cheeks. I just wanted to kiss them over and over again.

So many things went through my mind while holding her and loving on her. -- Like wanting to squeeze her so tight and tell her how loved she is. I got to hold Evie-girl but, given the timing and emotions surrounding everything, I didn't really let myself fully embrace her ... and it's something my heart regrets. Frankly I just didn't really know how to feel at the time.  It was so 'easy' to feel joyful and thankful while pressing my cheek against Joci's.  I cried a couple of times. I typically try to keep my emotions to myself... so that was kind of new for me. I just love those girls. <3

Holding that new little life also made me excited and so nervous about meeting you, little man.  Seeing her adorable head full of hair made me think even more about what you might look like.  The anticipation of meeting you is almost too much to bear! Truly, I can't imagine what you'll look like although I'm sure you'll look a lot like your dad and I'm sure that I'll think you are the most handsome kid on the whole entire planet. 

Holding that little pink bundle of fluff made me feel all ooey-gooey inside. (Like when I was a little girl holding my brand new baby sister for the first time).  I can only imagine how amazing it will be to finally hold you in my arms and kiss your little cheeks and hear your newborn sighs and finally have a face to put with the punches and kicks I've fallen in love with.

I can only imagine how scary it will be to also know that you are all mine (and Daddy's). --That we are completely responsible for you. Considering that I have a hard time keeping plants alive, I am a bit fearful of my feeding and parenting skills.  I'm not going to lie.  But we are going to wrap you up and take you home and you are going to wrap us around your little finger.  Our marriage, our family, our lives, will change forever.  For the better, my little love. <3

It was so wonderful having family gathered around celebrating together.  It's not something I've appreciated all that much until now, I have to admit.  I've tended to like my privacy and I've often distanced myself from potentially complicated or emotional situations (especially involving family). But I'm hopeful that when you come into this world, you will feel the love of your Daddy and I -- and so many wonderful people that we get to call family.  You are going to love having cousins that are close to your age and loving grandparents and Aunts and Uncles.  Believe me!

And, last but not least, it's incredible what new life does for your spirit. It's such an amazing thing to look at ten perfect little fingers and soft baby skin and realize that God make this precious, pint-sized, human in only 9 months.  It's just ... extraordinary!

Well, I guess that about sums up this particular installment of "The Mind of your Mother".  I love you Eli.  I can't say it enough.  Don't you ever forget it!

<3
Mom
  
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7/1

I believe I've discovered the secret to our most resent bout with nausea.  ...Not having contractions.  When I don't feel terrible and my stomach doesn't feel like it's literally tied in knots, I actually want to feed us.  

When we are up for eating, we have been craving baked mac and cheese, pizza, reuben sandwiches and wonton soup and ...brownies.  When we can eat, we definitely do eat! :) 

Also, wow!  You are getting very strong little man! I'm pretty sure you have bruised my insides with all of your jabs and kicks. You seem to like to hang out in the same spot most of the time and you seem to have a pretty solid pattern going ... one super exercise day and then one day of mostly resting.

I think you wear yourself out and have to take a day to recuperate from all of your adventures! Anyway, maybe you and daddy can work out together (flutter kicks and punches) soon.  I have no doubt that you'll be great at them!

...and here we are at bedtime :) Your Aunt Sarah made you that adorable little onsie with a bowtie!  So cute! 

7/8

Your daddy finished his second day at Norfolk Police Academy today! We are very proud of him!  We have been very busy over the last couple of weeks preparing for this new adventure. I know your dad is incredibly excited that this is finally coming about! It's been a little unnerving trying to figure out a job switch, insurance switch, and all the other details that come with pay change and timing and other life changing events (YOU) ;) -- in such a short period of time. But we are committed and excited and we will figure out the rest as we go!

We couldn't be in a better situation to make everything work at the moment. It feels right and that is incredibly comforting. I have to admit though, I tend worry about him with this particular career choice ... but most of the time ... the best things require a lot of faith. I'm sure that's what you and I will be resting on a lot in the future.

Love you and daddy so very much,
<3
Mom

Little Notes for Little Eli -Part 5

5/13
Baby Boy,

We are getting the best, cutest, most fantastic stuff!  
You now have a sweet little bed courtesy of all your wonderful grandparents (Mama, Papa, Granny, Grandaddy and Nana!)... a happy little elephant friend (thanks Mama), cute clothes from your Aunts and other "Aunts".  You are one loved little dude!

You are going to be well-rested AND super stylish ;)

Love you,
Mom

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5/14
Wild-Child,

Daddy felt you moving around last night! You have been quite busy rolling around and stretching I'm guessing because I'll feel you on one side and another at the same time.  It's really quite funny. The sensation is pretty awesome -although I do feel a little like I belong in a sci-fi movie some days. ;)
It's extra cool though to feel you on the outside.  For a few days I would think I could feel you on the outside of my belly but just wasn't sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, since I could feel you inside too.  But alas, I told your dad to just rest his hand for a minute and sure enough you were busy enough to punch him a few times.

Loving the constant reminder that you are with me,
Mom

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5/16
Little Mister,

We didn't have to go to work today!  We really love having a day off, with no commitments sometimes!

The sweetest thing happened this morning. Every morning before your daddy leaves for work, he wakes me up with kisses and we share a quick- "I love you... Have a good day" and he's off to work. This morning, he kissed me, and he kissed you and told you that he loves you too. You rolled around twice and then back to sleep you went.
I just can't wait to see you in his new daddy arms, Eli.  He has already fallen head over heels for you, little guy. I can only imagine how great you both will be together once you are here! <3
So looking forward to September!

<3 Mommy

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5/19
Precious Resident,

I hope you are enjoying your spacious living quarters for now. Your neighbors have been concerned about your constant late night activities, however. Could try and keep the stomach punching to a minimum between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am?  I know you enjoy practicing your martial arts, but momma's left side is beginning to feel bruised from all the action.

 <3 Your Loving Landlord

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5/20

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5/25
Little man,
What a weekend we had!

Your Aunt Sarah headed up hosting and planning a special shower to celebrate you this Saturday. It was beautiful, and sweet, and oh-so-classy.  There were adorable decorations, a photo wall with fun props, tables with lovely centerpieces, clever games, a mashed potato bar, tasty snacks and an amazing strawberry shortcake flavored elephant cake. Deeeeelicious! 

Our family and friends (Nana, Aunt Mariah, Grandma, Granny, Grandaddy, Grammy, Aunt Emily and Aunt Kristen and Uncle Jason) drove from out of state to visit with us, battling Memorial day traffic and eager ticket-giving police officers along the way.  ;)

So many of our wonderful friends and family decorated and crafted, spent time celebrating with smiles and good food, game-played and gift-gave, sent cards and packages and made our weekend super special!  We got some of the cutest and best gifts imaginable too! I just can't wait to wrap you in soft blankets, dress you up in cute outfits, diaper you, feed you, give you baths, read books, take you on car rides and walks, and watch you play.

We are very loved, Eli. Can you feel it?
You are going to love our Avalon family and your out-of-town family too!

<3
Mommy
 
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5/26
Sweet Boy,

We spent a bit of time in the hospital early in this morning. Momma wasn't feeling so fantastic all evening, with some pretty solid back pain and cramps, so I finally gave in and called the doctor. She told me to come right in to be checked out at labor and delivery. Thankfully you seem to be quite okay and bumping around like crazy in there. Despite some steady contractions (maybe caused by dehydration and a "super-sensitive uterus" -according to the Doctor) nothing progressed past discomfort and you seem to be safe and sound for now. Thank the Lord!

--You need to bake quite a bit longer, so Daddy and I were quite relieved to hear that you weren't on your way yet!  We love you lots and are excited to meet you... but don't want you to make an appearance for quite a while, okay?

Love Always,
Mom and Dad

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5/27
Just you, me, and Maestro.

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6/1
Little Lounger,
 
Firstly, we did it!  We passed our RAM exam!  What a relief. Great job, Baby.  Thanks for not making Momma's brain go too fuzzy during classes.

Also, we have been spending a lot of time in bed over the last few days. We go to work, come home, lay down (or make a nest on the couch), try to eat something, drink masses of water, and just hang out.

We've watched a lot of movies, and gotten our fill of the Big Bang theory and Law and Order and all sorts of other ridiculous TV shows.  We have also been crafting up a storm! We have this system worked out.  I pick something up, ask you a question like, "Eli, should we use this scrapbook paper or try another one? -- Kick once for yes and twice for no." You tend to be pretty decisive but sometimes our system gets a bit messed up when you are busy practicing Karate ...or maybe you are just tired of all the questions?

Thanks for relaxing with me,
Mom

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6/3
Eli,

We had an important appointment today. We needed to make sure that my recent discomforts were not hurting you or causing you to come too early. God certainly answered our prayers.  We had a very kind and understanding doctor that helped put our mind at ease. She explained a lot of things, took the time to listen to our concerns, and even explained some of her own experiences with pregnancy which, in a lot of ways, mirrored my own.

We still have to be very, very, careful... drink water like a fish and rest all the time to keep things at bay ...but I have faith that we will make it, kid! You are totally worth it.

^^I feel like we grew a lot this past week!^^

Love you,
Mom and Dad

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6/11
My Little Man,

We just finished putting stamps on our Thank You notes! We are still collecting a few addresses but... it feels good to get some important things accomplished and show our lovely friends and family our gratitude!

Mama and Papa helped us put up a shelf in your nursery area tonight! And Mama helped me finally get some pictures and mirrors up on the wall in the cottage.  It feel much cozier and homier now.  I've been desperately wanting to 'nest' and organize and beautify everything, so its incredibly nice to finally have some things set up and ready!

Also we are so very excited for your cousin Joci's arrival sometime in the next few weeks! We are praying for a very healthy girl and a healthy Aunt Sarah and a nice, smooth, delivery!  You are just going to love your big-boy cousin Micah too.  I'm sure he will teach you lots of cool things!

Love you bunches and bunches,
<3 Mommy

Little Notes for Little Eli -Part 4

4/10
Sweet Hop-Along,
(It is almost Easter after all.)

Apparently I have tendonitis in my right foot (or at least that's the label the doctor came up with).  I suppose it's from walking a long distance in flat tennis shoes last week or making a slightly long drive without cruise control, or hormones and "loosening" muscles, or perhaps a combination of everything. I'm really not sure. But sometimes I like to tell people ridiculous stories of my adventures.   .
...like saving a school bus of children
...or my MMA competition
...or catching a robber in heels
Hey, the stories may not exactly be true... but they are entertaining.  ;)

So really... I very unexpectedly woke up on Tuesday with pain in my foot. I walked around on it hoping it would start to feel better but by the end of the day it was throbbing and I couldn't sleep ...so your sweet daddy wrapped it up in an ace bandage.

In the morning before work, I couldn't put any pressure on it at all. It hurt so badly that I was laughing hysterically while trying to hobble around. (Apparently this is what I do when I'm in pain -- labor should be fun!) The laughing tears quickly turned to real tears though and I realized that I should see a doctor before things got worse. You, Me, and Mama ended up hobbling into Patient First (looking absolutely ridiculous I might add). The nurses were very kind to us, created a "half-cast" sort of contraption, and eventually taught us to walk with crutches! I've never been on crutches before. Ever! That was certainly an interesting adventure for a very accident prone woman and her wee little guy. ;) 

Work has been quite the event. I'm really not used to sitting still.  And I really don't like having to depend on others to help me do everyday tasks. It certainly gives me a better appreciation for those that have to do this regularly and I'm certainly grateful for the help.  Perhaps this is a gentle(ish) reminder from God, regarding my independent streak and desire to do everything on my own.

We will just keep learning together, won't we?

Love you,
Your accident-prone Momma

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4/15
Baby Boy,

We made it through this week at work, through Easter, cottage preparations, and cleaning. Wow. I certainly feel more blessed than ever to regularly have working limbs, let me tell you! Everything from driving to showing upstairs model apartments to carrying books or food or drinks has been quite an adventure.  I think I've pulled just about every muscle around my abs on these things. But on the bright side -- my arms are going to be buff for summer! ;)

Proud of us,
Mom

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4/24
Little Big Guy, 

We did it! We officially moved.
Furniture was built, baskets and bins and boxes were packed, closets were emptied, the cottage was cleaned, furniture was sold and stored. We have some minor things left to do but it feels so good to have some finality to a month-long preparation.

Breathe easy Baby,
Mom

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4/26
Wiggles McGee,

I felt a funny "popping" sensation low to the left of my tummy while laying very still in bed tonight and I'm pretty sure it was you.

I really like being able to feel you finally,
Mommy

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4/28
Dear (what are our names again)?

We. Are. Exhausted.
The past week has been quite a marathon of work and school and crutching and packing and moving and unpacking and organizing and shopping for things to organize with. We had some wonderful help from friends this week -from cleaning help to borrowing vehicles to transport furniture to heavy lifting. We've been SO blessed to have extra hands to support us this week!  You and I certainly couldn't take on this project alone, kid. Daddy was hugely helpful, along with your Mama and Papa, Aunt Sarah and our sweet friends that loaned us their time and vehicles and scrubbing-power.

I think it's time for... zzzz
zzzz
zz

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4/29
Busy Bee,

20 week appointment! We got to see you again today and confirmed once again that you are, in fact, a little boy!

We also found out that you have a little bit of extra fluid on one kidney, so we are praying that it goes away naturally before our next ultrasound appointment towards the end of the pregnancy. We were told that it tends to be more common in little guys than little girls and often times goes away before you would make your way into our arms. Still, I worry about you. --Other than that minor (potential) issue you seem to be quite perfect -- and VERY active!  (Even the ultrasound tech was impressed with your activity level.) You Sir, are one busy bee! You do not like being prodded and you don't seem to like when Momma lays down flat.  

Oh, and we also finished picking your name!
It was quite an event since your dad and I don't agree on many names :) We love it and we hope you do too. 

...Now I'll have a full name to say when you are busy getting into trouble ;)  --and when I just want to love on you.

Love you so very much, Eli Oliver Rieke. 

<3Your crazy-excited Momma

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5/5

My Little Man, 

Yesterday was a hard day for us.  I suppose my worries about your health and safety due to my high  sugar counts, work stress, school stress, and these blasted hormones sent me into a whirlwind of anxiety. I felt so incredibly discouraged and rather worth-less as a shelter to protect you and grow you. I was an all-out mess. I am trying hard to keep you safe, Eli. I really, really, am.

I wish my body would cooperate a bit better, especially when it's lack of cooperation can jeopardize your well-being. But, like many other things, it's mostly out of my control. All I can do is try my best and pray (a lot) that God will spare you any hurts that come from whatever tough decisions I have to make.

This is my view of us today :)
Mercy, we've been growing like a weed.  My back and neck and shoulders and stomach are certainly all feeling the strain... but no extra weight to report yet, really. Your wonderful Daddy gave us a soothing back massage tonight after we spent the day grocery shopping and preparing snacks and meals for the week and studying and exam-taking and cooking dinner.
We got pampered! It was lovely. He's the best!

I'm eager to see you grow, little guy. -- Not so eager to see me grow ;) but super stoked to be able to enjoy this special time with you. It is quite a gift!

Stay safe, okay?
Momma Bear

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5/13/14
Eli Oliver,

Here we are today:

...and we've officially gained our very first pound together! (It's about time! Our sugar-free/high protein diet, changing hormones and sickly start together hasn't allowed for a great deal of indulgence or accompanying weight gain it seems). Good going, little man! Keep growing big and tough!  I simply can't wait until your Dad can feel your kicks and punches and rolls.  I can definitely tell you've been getting stronger.

Oh and most importantly (on the food front) we've really been into Turkey Avocado BLTs from Panera.  We love our occasional trips to Skinny Dip for frozen yogurt with strawberries and we really like fresh baked mini Tollhouse cookies and milk right now ...like REALLY!  Of course, all of our sweet cravings have to be kept to a minimum but ohhhh what a wonderful treat.  You have good taste little man! ;)

I love you more than sweet tea and caramel lattes combined!  -Just sayin'
Mom

p.s. --Sorry the laptop balanced on my belly and knees is cramping your style ;) I'll keep that in mind next time. 

Little Notes for Little One -Part 3

3/4
Silly Goose,

Today we woke up without an alarm! This never happens. We couldn't sleep in on our day off but ... I did get my hair all beautified and feel refreshed.  I can't wait until the day I get to do your hair too (maybe done like daddy's or braided and bowed).  I know these little notes may seem silly, but they make me feel even closer to you. <3

-Mom

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3/5
Sweetness,

We started RAM school tonight to get certified for momma's job (future job hopefully).  *Your first day at school and you aren't even born yet ;)  We have to go to school on Mondays and Wednesday nights after work for several hours. (I either had to go next year and miss time and snuggles with you or go this year while we are still very much together.) I think this is best for the both of us.  I'm really praying that pregnancy-brain won't hit too hard this trimester.  It's really odd getting back into a classroom and staring at textbooks again,  but we really, really, like learning.

Let's keep these brain cells working, Baby.
Love you,
Mom

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3/8
Peanut,

I hope you are doing well in there, kiddo!
...Now that nausea has mostly subsided, we are now having trouble with our blood sugar! Heavens! We still can't smell food before we eat it or we don't feel well.  You need to be fed every 2 hours (without fail)-- and we have to be very very very picky about what we eat and drink.  And sometimes, even the very best choices and constant snacking, don't quite help with our 'highs and lows' (especially while we sleep).  There is lots of pricking and testing and thinking and choosing and logging in store for us with this new routine.

We are tired and momma has been quite overwhelmed. But it is so worth it if it means I have a healthy You in the end! Let's pray your Daddy can handle all the "highs and lows" of this phase.  ;) We are proving to be quite a hand-full.

Love ya,
<3 Momma Meal-Ticket.

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3/17
Little One,

We really like root beer floats AND we really, really, really like naps!!!
Without nappage, we will either:
a.) Have an emotional meltdown
b.) Fall asleep sitting up or standing up
c.) Turn into a crazy person 
(or all of the above)
...kind of like this poor kid...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN8ohy1qcts

Oh yeah.
This is going to be fun. ;)

Love you bunches,
Mom

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3/20
Baby,

We gave our notice today.  Our little family of three is headed back to the cottage to help with finances and convenience for the temporary.  It's exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time.  I'm so excited about this new chapter, love, but I also know that change isn't easy. We have lots of help and lots of love and God has blessed us with great family and great companies to work for.  I think our plan will help set us up for a less complicated and a bit less burdensome financial future. 

Also Momma is feeling a bit stuffed at the moment. ;) I have to admit- you've been making me feel awfully odd.  I'm not quite big enough to look particularly pregnant- but I'm certainly not fitting into my regular pants.  Keep growin' kid!  I'm sure I'll be plenty plump (and hot) come August and September.

We like walks, and water, and spending time with Daddy. We even "play" video games sometimes.  I'm sure he will teach you to master that controller much better than your Mom.

Love you, Kid
<3 Mom

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3/27
Baby,

Well it's amazing what a difference one week makes. I still can't feel you moving around but boy do I feel pregnant. It's weird how odd having bump makes me feel. I've felt a bit off balance and sleeping on my stomach isn't really comfortable anymore. The belly-band is in full use now as my pants won't quite fit around the waist.  I won't dare to actually complain though. It's so weird -- but wonderful.

I feel so blessed and I know how many ladies with momma-hearts haven't been able to experience this. <3 So thank you, Little One. And thank God for giving me this privilege!

Oh, I almost forgot! Daddy and I heard your heart beating strong on Tuesday. He's my 'lucky charm', I think.  Things always seem to go smoothly when he's around.  --Although your wiggly-ness wasn't making it very easy for the doctor find you.  I think you'll be a pro at hide&seek in the future. ;)

Love, Love, Love,

Momma

p.s. Look at us... aren't we cute ;)  >>>>>>

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4/6

Little Guy,

We got to go to a very special appointment yesterday (after much convincing to your Daddy).  We got to take our time and see you on a moving "4-D" ultrasound!  How cool is that?!  You are still so little and 'fat-free' (I wish I was) ;) ...so it was kind of silly seeing your tiny little self all cuddled up in there but so so sweet!

I've been suspecting you are a boy since I first saw your petite little profile a few weeks ago. You looked JUST like your Daddy! ...and it was absolutely astounding to see you laying with your little elbows up by your face, resting just like your Dad rests.  (I know because he's great at elbowing me in the face in the middle of the night- lol). 
And I knew when the ultrasound tech said she knew your gender pretty much right away that you were, in fact, a wee little man!

I have to admit, Sweetheart, I was so happy and so fearful in that moment.  I've never been a "Mom" and I've only ever "mothered" girls -- so it  has been a bit hard to settle into the idea of having a mini-Jed and not a mini-me. BUT heavens, Boy, you are so very loved!  Your Dad was beaming and I was just so content in knowing how special you are and what an answer to prayer you have been for us!  I can't wait to watch your Dad grow in his love for you and witness your "father-son" bond.  I so desire to share a special bond with you too!


You are SO special to me, Eli!
--Promise that you'll love me and kiss me and snuggle me, still. I promise to let you get dirty and play rough and let your Daddy take the lead on helping you grow up to be a strong, compassionate, and wise man. [Disclaimer: I may try to dress you up like a little old man]- I'm not going to lie - but even if you hate cardigans and bow-ties, do you think you could just give me a few minutes without ripping it off or getting completely dirty? .........  Well, we will work on that ;)

Love you so very much Eli Rieke. <3 
You make my heart melt already.  Heaven-help you when you are in my arms -- I might really smother you with kisses.
<3 <3 <3
Mom

Little Notes for Little One -Part 2

2/9/14
Sweets,

Well today has been an interesting day. Seems as though these hormones are in full swing. Apparently I need to eat something every hour or I turn into a low-blood sugar, terribly nauseous, "hangry", weeping mess.

Speaking of weeping. I was watching cute and silly videos today and couldn't keep myself from crying. It's really quite ridiculous. Mother/son fun wedding dance... Tears. Hallelujah chorus at a shopping mall for Christmas... Tears. Cute puppy... Tears.

Everyone thinks that you must just be a sensitive soul, little one. :)

Love you -- to the point of tears,
;) Mom

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2/11/14
Sweet heavens Baby,

Momma has not been feeling very well.  We don't seem to be liking food much at all right now. I've been trying to drink, drink, drink to keep up hydrated and happy though.  I sure hope you are doing well in there... and that you are growing! -- My hormones certainly seem to know we are changing.

Keep up the good-growing work,
Mom

---------
2/19/14
Sleepyhead,

We are so tired! Sweet georgia peaches, we can barely keep our eyes open sometimes. Yet oddly enough we can't seem to sleep when we want to most! (See, you are learning so much already... This is what we call "cruel irony")

I imagine we have many sleepless nights ahead of us -- lets just call this a trial run.  I'm sure we will be great snuggle buddies when I finally get to hold you and feed you and sing you songs. I really look forward to those nights. Sleeplessness has such lovely purpose.

I think it's nap time,
Your exhausted Momma

----------
2/21/14
Tiny,

Your loving and oh-so-excited aunt Mariah has requested pictures of us.  -- However your very small stature, at this point, hasn't allowed for much 'bump-age'.  I do look forward to having some outward proof of your existence though soon! --But maybe not too much "proof" ;)

Thanks for your your consideration,
Mom

-----------
2/24/14
Baby E, 

Granny and Granddaddy came to visit us this weekend. They probably qualify for 'Survivor' now, as they were left to scrounge for food in our empty fridge for a couple of days -- and managed to survive on Fig Newtons, hot tea, oatmeal and tiny cheese wedges.

We still aren't liking food smells or tastes or thoughts of food very much but I think we are on our way to normal snacking soon! Woo hoo!

Hooray for family,
Mom

-----------
2/25/14
Little Love,

Well today marks 11 weeks for us.  We've made it so far, little one. Let's keep going strong! Momma has been quite dizzy recently but my appetite is finally starting to come back. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a recipe for disaster... but I'll take what I can get.  I have felt quite nauseous every day since our first couple of weeks together.  Over the past couple of days, despite nausea, I have been able to enjoy small bits of tasty foods without regretting eating. I do love food. Also, I love you.

Thanks for taking it easy on me this week,
Mommy

------------
2/28/14
Sweetheart,

You gave us quite a scare yesterday, Love.  We had an appointment on Tuesday and I got to hear you, once again. One quick swipe with a doppler and I heard that little bitty heart beating loud and clear. What a wonderful sound!

But later on that evening we were accidently hit pretty hard in the stomach and mommy was worried that you might have gotten hurt. We went back to the doctor for another quick check on the doppler  just to ease my mind.  Two nurses and a doctor couldn't find your little heart for 45 minutes so we had to wait and come back for an ultrasound days later.

My heart and your daddy's heart were breaking -- not knowing if you were okay. Our gracious friends were able to help us and we got to see you tonight, safe and sound, just wiggling around.
Thankfully you are so little and well-protected at this stage that you seem to be just fine.
(We do think you might have a future in acrobatics or martial arts, though.)  ;)

We love you, Baby, so so so much!  We are so incredibly grateful that our fears weren't confirmed and that you seem to be quite well.

Stay safe and keep practicing for your future acrobatic adventures,

Mom and Dad <3

Little Notes for Little One - Part 1

1/5
Little One,

I can't stop staring at the test that told me that "I" am a "we".
<3

Your uncle Luke was hanging out on our couch and your daddy was laying on the loveseat when I found out that we would have you.  I really didn't expect to get such a wonderful answer and I couldn't contain myself! -- I always assumed that my announcement to your daddy would be a private and very special time (and it was special) --but funny since we were silently celebrating in the bathroom (so your uncle wouldn't hear about you) when those 2 pink lines made their appearance.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.  I wonder how tiny you are and what to expect when we will finally get to see you (via ultrasound). I can't wait to heart your little heart beating. I've been praying hard that you are growing strong.  I can't wait to find out everything about you!

Today your daddy and I talked quite a bit about what we are going to do to prepare for you.   I can't help but smile and want to jump around the room. --I won't be jumping though. I want you to stay snuggled right where you belong. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

I can't wait to meet you! I just. can't. wait.  I have waited for you for (what seems like) an eternity.  I'm so happy that your daddy is so happy! I want to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I meet how excited I am and how special you are. But for now, you are our special secret.

Until we meet, <3
Mommy
----

1/10

Sweets,

I'm worried, I'm really worried.  All of a sudden, tonight, in the quiet-- while sifting through (yet again) "what to expect" sites and blogs --I realized how truly worried I am about you.  About losing you.

Obviously I don't 'know' you yet... We haven't spoken, and we haven't "met".  You haven't heard my voice or your dad's. We haven't heard you cry or felt you move --but I love you. So much. And every creative baby announcement pin and every online ultrasound photo and weekly baby calendar remind me how fragile you are and how afraid I am of not being able to completely protect you.  

My heart is racing and I can't make it stop. I want you. I want you. I want you. I'm praying so hard that God lets me have you and keep you and watch you grow.

Giving your life to my Father and yours,   
<3 Mom
----

1/21
Little One, 

Your Nana and Aunt Mariah, Granny and Grandaddy, Mama and Papa and your Uncle Luke, Josh, and Aunt Sarah know about you now!  It's been hard keeping my excitement in... but also hard to tell such a special secret because, to be honest, I'm a bit fearful. It was so worth it though.  You are going to be so loved. You are already so, so, loved!

Can't wait for you to meet these awesome people,
Mom
----

1/29
Silly Little Thing, 

I ended up telling my boss about you today... because recently you've been making my brain go all kinds of fuzzy! -- and wow, so tired. (I could fall asleep standing up or sitting at my desk. We need to pay the bills so I'm looking forward to this phase being over ...but quite happy because, I assume, that all this means you're going to grow well because these hormones are working well! ;)

Silly thing,
Love you.

Mom

----

1/30
Crazy Kid, 

Well, apparently you don't like Chicken (of any kind or any smell) and you've decided you like grape flavored fruit gummies. Odd... considering I don't like grape anything. -- you are your father's child ;) Oh, and mashed potatoes and cranberry juice seem to make you quite happy right now. So we have gotten a buffet of potato and cranberry products for you over the next few weeks.

--You'll probably be a 10 lb baby at this rate ;)

Love You,
Mom

----
2/1
Sweetheart, 

We saw you for the very first time today. It was amazing! I had hoped and prayed that we would be able to hear your tiny heart beating... and we did! 

You sounded like a little wooshing freight train.  It was strong enough that we heard it very easily, even though it's so early on. It felt like a huge hug from God. Incredible. He knew how much I wanted to hear you.

I cried and your dad just beamed. We couldn't resist recording that sweet little heart of yours.  I've been listening to it all day. -- and probably will for quite some time.

We also told "the world" that you are joining our family!  Again, you are very loved, Little One. <3

You Daddy is so in love with you too... I can tell. He was telling his gaming friends today that he was going to be a dad and was just beaming when he was recapping for me. 

Always-Always,
Mommy (& Daddy)

---
2/7/14
Well kiddo,

Momma seems to be sick.  Apparently your dad and I both got some sort of cold that won't take the hint and move along.  I'm really hoping that my normal nausea and super-sniffer-senses are the only things I have to worry about in the near future.

Apparently you're an indecisive little thing. ;) We have a fridge full of food but we don't like cranberry juice anymore and we don't like any form of meat.  Some of it smells so good... but these crazy taste-buds of ours seem to only taste/smell barn animals or canned tuna (weird). Not so appetizing.  We do like sweet pickles and vanilla ice cream - but not together -- We aren't that cliche ;)  We also really like apples... well, when the tartness doesn't make us gag.

Your dad has been good to us though... bringing us flat ginger ale and opening an obnoxious pickle jar of doom. -- and telling he loves us, even when one of us looks like we've been punched in the eyes and nose a few times.  You are just going to love your dad, little one. Seriously.  It's going to be hard to compete with that guy.  ;)

So that's the update.  I've been praying for you as you grow!  I've been feeding us lots of vitamins -- maybe you and I will be feeling better in no time!

<3,
Mom

Our 2013 Journey

2013. Quite a year for our little family of 2...

Close to the start of the year, we went to Florida for a wedding. I got to see some of Jed's family, I had never met before. We were able to spend time with Dave and Teresa (for the first time) outside of normal, day-to-day, activities in Virginia Beach.  I loved that. It was so interesting to see family with family too-- they are a bit crazy/quirky ;) I really like them. Also, I met Ariel at Disney World and ate a ridiculous amount of theme park food. A memorable trip, I'd say.

We moved out of the Rieke cottage and into our first apartment in Norfolk at the end of February. I learned a ton about myself and about my new job after getting thrown into the deep end of apartment management and becoming a rarely-leave-home resident manager. Jed began his second year with The Center and made it through another great symposium. It's always exhausting and time consuming, but incredibly rewarding for all his hard work to finally come together.

We made it nearly 6 months at Pleasant Village, which is certainly a miracle in my book. The amount of stress in that position was quite difficult. We absolutely loved our neighborhood and our wonderful summer strolls on the bay, though. We couldn't really make ends meet with the pay and time constraints of the job so... in August we made another change... mostly for sanity's sake and for the sake of our bank account.

Through a strange, and wonderful, turn of events (while we were looking for new housing options in Virginia Beach in August) I heard of another property manager/assistant manager position with my (now) new company. I started at Shoreline on September 1st and, frankly, I couldn't have been placed with a better manager or in a better position. I don't make millions, but I certainly am happy with this job.  I imagine it will turn out to be more of a career.  I would have never guessed that property administration and management would be such a great fit overall.

In the same month as our second move of the year, Jed gained a new boss at The Center. Jed handled the transition incredibly well. Not only did The Center's management change, but many of their goals and visions. It was not an easy adjustment for Jed, who truly loved the Center's previous mission but he has made it through and has done his job very well. He's intelligent and capable and amazing at maintaining a good outlook overall, even when things don't go as planned.

I believe that Jed has learned a lot about himself this past year too.  He helped me through a lot of change and made a lot of hard decisions regarding the family "brand" he wants to create, his career goals, and our living situation. There have been significant disappointments for us this past year, but I truly think we made it through very, very, well. I like being on a team with my Jed.

We may not have graduated or married, bought a house or had little ones in 2013, but our lack of (seemingly) huge or life-altering events or announcements actually shaped us more than some of the bigger things we've accomplished.

Things haven't often been made very clear for us over the past few years of marriage but I'm looking forward to deciphering God's plans in the coming year. One day at a time. We can make it. I'd say 2013 was a great success and much, much, more than an unsettled journey. It's been a really rewarding one.

Happy 2014, Friends and Family. <3

I pray that this new year brings a great deal of heart change and happiness... that your blessings will be incredibly evident, and hardships won't defeat you (especially your spirit) but be taken as an opportunity to learn and grow closer to God --and closer to those you love.

We love you.

<3 Lauren

Decisions, Decisions.

I know I've been quiet for a couple of months and thought I'd let you in on the inner workings of this mind of mine. There are about a million and two questions that have been circling my mind and laying heavy on my heart over the last several weeks. 

Here are 5: 

1. Do I really have to give up what we just thought God was orchestrating for us, change my job yet again and revert back to our living situation from 6 months ago? (not that it's the worst- certainly far from it- so don't get me wrong. It's more about the principle and resulting hurt than the situation itself)

2. Do I really have to give up hope on having a baby, yet again, after feeling so hopeful and sure that God was orchestrating it for us... and wait another year to 2 years before trying for family (assuming that in 2 more years, things will be okay financially).  This breaks my heart and I have to constantly put it in 'check'.

3. Would I rather give up the stress of my current job (which allows some flexibility and 'at home' hours) in hopes of making more money (to hopefully aid in family planning)...
OR 
4. Would I rather stay where I am (stretching myself thin with work and stress and praying for consistent opportunity for cash-flow) in hopes of having space and the ability to stay home with an infant (that may or may not come to be in the next year or 2).

5. Which risk is the most 'right'?

Here are my options:

Option #1.
Work a 'normal' 9-5 office job again, leaving our 2 bedroom place behind, and moving back into the cottage so we can try to save money. 

2 year job commitment to prevent job-hopping -resume.
Ability to rest without being 'on call' 24-7.
1 bedroom studio (great little space for just us!) instead of 2 bedroom apartment.
Little room for growth, space-wise.
Little flexibility with 9-5 job
Great flexibility at the cottage if the "bottom falls out" financially.
Great flexibility with choosing to lease in the future (not held to a lease agreement).
Less expense, more savings.
Ability to pick up side-job.
Evenings and weekends free for service, friends, family and rest (as finances allow when trying to save a great deal of money)

Option #2
Work a 'normal' 9-5 office job again, leaving our 2 bedroom place behind, and moving into a 1 bedroom apartment. 

2 year job commitment to prevent job-hopping -resume.
Ability to rest without being 'on call' 24-7.
1 bedroom apartment (with a bedroom door-hooray) instead of 2 bedroom apartment.
Little room for growth, space-wise.
Little flexibility with 9-5 job.
Little flexibility with lease agreement.
Added expenses, added income, little to no savings.
Ability to pick up side-job.
Evenings and weekends free for service, friends, family and rest (as finances allow).
Privacy and space.
Possibility to be close to job(s) for convenience.

Option #3
Continue where we are, managing apartment complex, but pick up multiple side jobs to make ends meet.

Job directly relates to housing situation.
2 bedroom apartment.
Room for growth and guests.
Great neighborhood and area.
Flexibility in terms of day to day activities and timing.
Ability to 'stay at home' with a child.
I don't have to travel to work at all.
Not particularly convenient travel to daily activities but not terrible.
Ability to work side job(s) to make ends meet.
Have to work side job(s) to make ends meet.
Expected to be 'on call' 24-7 and 'in-office' for 44 hours a week. (Monday - Saturday)
Only compensated for 20 hours of weekly work in exchange for housing.
Only one day off per week (Sunday- but emergencies always take precedence)
On call 24-7.  Little rest, often high stress and 'emergency' deadlines that must be met.
Having to take on side-jobs doesn't allow a great deal of time for serving (at church) like I'd like to, doesn't allow us to give (financially), like I'd like to, or maintain relationships like I'd like to.

*there are so many variations of each of these options depending on jobs, pay rates, hours worked and days worked...

Around and around we go....


I measure just about everything through these three questions:
Is it RIGHTeous?  Is it Logical?  Does it bring glory to God?

None of these options, despite lots of prayers, have been clearly laid out as much more right or more logical or more glorifying that the others. Not having clarity on these things really makes decision-making incredibly difficult and exhausting. -- One moment I'm crying over not wanting to give up on what I thought we would have here, at this job and house... and the next, I'm thinking that, perhaps, with just a little more time and money we can finally get 'there' ...and with the next breath I'm wondering if God wants us to get 'there' at all.

What takes precedence?  Giving (money and time) to church, family, friends? Having a family of our own?Serving and witnessing through the workplace?  Being responsible with finances and saving as much as possible, as to not inconvenience or impose on family and friends?

I couldn't  be any more heavy-hearted or confused than I am now (and have been) while trying to seek clarity from God on these things so...

I'm completely and totally open to all suggestions.  What would you do? Have you ever been in a win/win or no-win situation?  How did you decide? What do you think? 


Before you think I've fallen off the deep-end (because my post isn't filled with bible verses) just know that my heart isn't ungrateful or unyielding or completely discontent.  This is my heart and my mind at work-- and it's been quite a battle.  ...and there's more to come on that.

What Heaven Looks Like

I have a slight "obsession" (lets say) with sunshine through the clouds. One of my most favorite things about creation is how absolutely breathtaking the sunshine can be when peeking through the clouds.  --  I think to myself, every single time, “I bet this is what heaven looks like.”

Last night while walking with my husband, after eating an oreo mcflurry of deliciousness, Jed drew my attention to the gorgeousness behind us as we were walking down the beach towards our house.  

We stopped on a dune to try and capture the loveliness in pictures and enjoy it before the sun became faint.  I remember briefly thinking, "Wow, I never notice how wonderful the sunshine is until it's beaming through dark clouds."  

--and it hit me --  isn't that so true? 

I felt so content in that moment, so joyful and so grateful for this "little" gift. God knows how much I adore sunrise and sunset.  

That little 'glimpse of heaven' makes my heart feel light and hopeful, even when my emotions are running wild – even through tough times and disappointments. When I see something like this, I want to praise God for how incredible He is.  How could that kind of beauty be an accident? 

And it reminds me, every time, how much I am loved, how beautiful our God is and how excited I am to, one day, be in the most breath-taking place with my Savior. 

--If that moment had a soundtrack, this song would be playing.  

How Great is Our God -Chris Tomlin

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home 

Living Room

The Couch Cushions are a bit 'squiggly' ... and my rainboots are in the entryway  but hey, a girl's got to have access to her rainboots, right?!

Entryway and Hall

Our Wedding 'Guest Book' - Love it.

Dining room- Yes there is a computer on my kitchen counter. 

Happy little office-  lots of light near the window.

Kitchen- where I stuff my face regularly.

Piggy- the only kind I'm allowed to have.  He's very happy.  

Master Bedroom-  Where sometimes Jed tries to make the bed over me in the morning. 

Make-up Station- glorious, no?

Guest Bathroom-

Guest Bedroom/Office/"Storage of Random Stuff Room"-  

Cutiful Bookshelf in Guest Room- filled with memorable things

 

Well, that's our place :)
 I think it's pretty cute...
especially now that our 2nd bedroom actually has a purpose, beyond storing boxes and bags and random junk that hadn't found a home yet.

Thanks for stopping by <3

Hope

Tomorrow marks 1 year since Baby's heavenly birthday.

and I just can't stop myself from thinking...

what if  things were different.

what if this extra room held a crib and a dresser filled with baby things  -little onesies, tiny socks, baby shoes, blankets, books, and sweaters with ears

what if the nursery could be filled with sweet little things picked especially for our little one

what if I knew I had a handsome boy or beautiful girl

what if they had a meaningful name that we both loved so much

what if my days were filled with diaper changes, feedings and coos

what if things weren't so quiet here

what if I could read a book and sing a soft lullaby before bed

what if, when I couldn't sleep, I could sneak into the nursery and just watch my little love sleep.

...

Those are just some of the things I miss and I miss them all the time.

I know I can't permanently live in the "what ifs" of life...
but just for today, I'm going to admit how often that little phrase crosses my mind and how often that Baby crosses my mind.

It may not seem like much... but for a little while last year, despite fear and disbelief, I knew that my dream of being a mom would soon come true, and that little Hope rooted quickly in my heart.

So today I think about Hope ...and Thank God for that brief joy of motherhood and the promise of life beyond this earth.

Feeling Blessed

I haven't had a lot to say recently or lots of exciting pictures to post but (as I'm sure, you've experienced or already know about me) when I'm overwhelmed I tend to be quiet  ...or a raging ball of angst. This week, I choose quiet.

I could write about all the ways that this move has been an adjustment... and all the difficulties surrounding change... but this time, I just want to say how grateful I am about how things have fallen into place for us.  Many a prayer has gone up regarding our future, our family, our jobs, and ministry, and finances... and God has been good to answer prayers quite steadily!

I've been impressed with the ease of making it into our new place. Moving a 400 something sq. ft apartment wasn't as taxing as I had made it out to be in my mind.  ;)  We had wonderful help and a gracious landlord that let us move in early so we could go out of town for a week.

Jed and I were able to go on vacation and spend a little time with Dave and Teresa out of our normal environment, which was super fun!  I met some more of Jed's family! They are just so lovely... and fun too! We hung out in the magical world of Disney for a few days... which  made me feel like a toddler again.  And we came back, safe and sound, ready to tackle the next chapter.

I started my new job training a day later and, despite normal 'complications' with any new training situation and new housing, I feel as though I'm gaining a pretty good grasp on what needs to be accomplished and why. The 'why' part tends to be super important to my learning process, so that's especially great. I'm pretty confident that this job is right for me, which is a much needed feeling, given the substantial changes we've made to make this arrangement work.

Jed is doing well and his job is seemingly solid despite recent Regent position cuts. So that alone is a huge blessing. And where pay seems to be falling a bit short nowadays, God has been providing some great little opportunities for a little extra income.  What an amazing blessing that has been!  ...and hopefully will continue to be!

All that being said...

I'm not going to pretend that this month has been an easy one, though. Jed and I have both been sick from raging allergies, making morning quite an event and evenings a bit tense from exhaustion. My "high strung" emotional status hasn't been super pleasant either, I'm sure.

But still,  despite  fluctuating emotions and tiring days, we are feeling so incredibly blessed and hopeful!

I'm excited about the possibilites that await us, with my new job and new (2 bedroom) home ;)  and I'm desperately praying that God will mold me and shape me however He sees fit so I can learn to truly enjoy what he's put in front of me... right now... in this moment.

And also learn to look forward to the future with great expectations regarding God's provisions and promises!

<3 Thanks for checking in.

Love,
Lauren

Change

Change. 

I honestly don’t know.  

Actually...

No.  I'm not ever ready for change. 

I'm not going to lie.  I'm freaking out inside! 

Am I ready to move on Saturday?! yes and no. I feel tense and my stomach is in knots just thinking of all the possibilities for trouble.  

I feel as though things are a bit awkward at the office right now  (which is understandable when one only has 2 weeks left).  

I’m nervous about leaving my job and becoming "bored" in my new situation.  (Which I know sounds ridiculous- I will still be working... but it's going to look and be so much different and "boredom" is a legitimate fear of mine.)  

I'm also scared of new anything. period. 

I’m worried about finances and frankly (selfishly)- I’m a bit freaked out about potentially not having the funds to escape for date nights or girls nights etc... which I've been able to do in recent months.  It's been such a huge blessing to be able to hang out and have pleasant communications (on a whim) and after spending the majority of my days with potty-mouths and angsty-pants over the phone. 

All that to say... 

I guess I'm about as "ready" as I'll ever be.   My 'gut' says that moving and a job change is best right now. God has lined everything up to work out as smoothly as possible, so I can't, in good conscience, conclude that my anxiousness is anything other than fear. 

...So I've been praying these words over and over today.   

I keep praying (requesting) that God's will be done in everything that we choose right now, that God would calm my nerves, and orchestrate the final pieces of the puzzle that would help this planner feel a bit better about all the new that's about to happen. 

...and I keep thinking of what God would say if He was trying to ease my fears.

I think He would hold the sides of my shoulders firmly (yet gently),  look me straight in the eye and say something like...

...then He would pull me in close and hug me tightly (just like my Dad would).

 He'd hold me for a second, take a deep breath and then crack a silly joke to make me smile...

... and pull me back in for another firm hug.  I'd use the shoulder of his dad-shirt as a tissue and then I'd feel...  better. 

I have faith that God will provide the means necessary to make this work as well as the  strength and discipline to be alright. 

  

My fears don't come from lack of trust in God's abilities but rather a lack of trust in my own.  (Which, I must say, is probably a very good thing.)

*I mean,  If I was left to my own devices, I'd probably be 800 pounds due to sweet-tea and chocolate chip pancake intake. I would have racked up the national debt in new blouses and I would be spending all my 'free' time at Disney World. - I'm just sayin'.  

... So it's probably best that I don't trust my spontaneous wants all the time.  I know that God would not approve of my financially irresponsible, gluttonous and vain habits. 

We've prayed and consulted, crunched numbers and re-evaluated our goals.

But the question remains:

Are we really willing to risk our comfort and our obvious security in order to follow His direction?  Am I really willing?

Sometimes change (as scary and risky as it may be) is a step towards hope... a step in the right direction. 

Faith.  

Sometimes faith means being still and waiting.  Sometimes faith is risk-taking. 

Faith is always trusting in God's provision and plan (whether waiting or doing).  

Even when we fail, there may be consequences... but God is bigger than all the wrong we are capable of.  We aren't beyond redemption. We aren't beyond repair.   I'm not beyond repair.  As long as we seek Him, he promises that he will direct our paths. 

Will it look the way we originally expected? Maybe not. 

Will we still be okay?  Yes.  

Our God is loving and gracious and merciful. 

I'm praying desperately that God is very merciful with me during these times of adjustment.  Because if I know anything about myself,  I know that I have a really hard time with new things.  

So I'm praying now... before the new begins... that He will give me a thankful and joyful heart and a very flexible attitude.  

I know good things are happening and I'm so excited to see what He has in store for us in the coming months!