Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A Sore Reminder

It's hard to see adorable pregnancy pictures, baby announcements, family photos, and gushing parent/grandparent stories of cuteness and sweetness and pride.

But It's harder to hear stories about girls having kids in high school, parents that abuse or neglect the kids that they never wanted to begin with, the system scammers that purposefully get pregnant as a means of maintaining government assistance or 'keeping up' with other family members. It's hard to hear about 'accidents' and babies born to single parents who wished things would have turned out differently.
It hurts because... while it obviously doesn't matter to some, it matters to me. 

It's hard to be in pain. Physical pain is like a magnifying glass for all (regularly bearable) emotional triggers.

It's that time of month... The physically exhausting and painful phase when bending, bumping, laughing, hugging, sneezing, sitting, laying, twisting... breathing... seems to hurt.  When normal activities, like reaching to get a glass from the top shelf of the cupboard or putting on pajama pants, make you hold your breath and close your eyes.  When no pose or posture takes away the ache.

Thank God these "phases" come with a break in between. I can't tell you how grateful I am that the pain usually doesn't last for days on end --like some of my friends who deal with excruciating pain and treatments on a daily basis.  At least in my case, the few days of 'ouch,' usually come and go pretty quickly.

By God's grace I managed to make it past moving month and past my 1st month at work before any significant hurt set in. God got me through the majority of my work day today without any unmanageable (or visible) signs or pain and I'm scheduled to have the day off tomorrow.  Thank you, God!

But I'm having a hard time today -- tonight -- this week.

First came "the fever".
My familiar friend.  Hoping, wishing and trying to wait patiently for my turn/our turn. Oogling over little ones, sweet families, adorable outfits. Making light of family hopes and "when we-s".

Then comes the pain.
The sore reminder of a vacant oven and (potentially) broken one. Always unexpected and never to be counted on. Always depressing. Always.

Today, instead of trying to cover a baby bump like so many of my friends, I try to stay comfortable and cover a swollen mid-section. I continue on with work, and chores, and social obligations, while so deeply wishing that God hadn't said no.  ...wishing that plans wouldn't change and efforts would count for something.

So today, I'm simply grateful that...
Even at my worst, in my hurt... God is still good, and I am still human. ...And He still loves His girl. 

..And that reminds me, once again, of how desperate I am for the kind of comfort only He can give. 


  1. Beautifully said, dear Lauren, though it makes me hurt with you. Praying.

  2. Very insightful post, Lauren. Just keep doing what you're doing. Payday someday.
    "Cast your bread [seeds/good efforts] upon the waters [irrigated trenches for farming/good places],
    for you will find it [harvest/happiness] after many days....5 As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.6 In the morning sow your seed [worship and do good things for Jesus], and at evening withhold not your hand [just keep on living for Jesus], for you do not know which will prosper, this or that [maybe you'll have a baby soon, or maybe you'll get a financial breakthrough soon, or maybe you'll have a health breakthrough soon] or whether both alike will be good [maybe you'll get all these blessings soon]."