Friday, March 29, 2013


Tomorrow marks 1 year since Baby's heavenly birthday.
and I just can't stop myself from thinking...

what if  things were different.

what if this extra room held a crib and a dresser filled with baby things  -little onesies, tiny socks, baby shoes, blankets, books, and sweaters with ears

what if the nursery could be filled with sweet little things picked especially for our little one

what if I knew I had a handsome boy or beautiful girl

what if they had a meaningful name that we both loved so much

what if my days were filled with diaper changes, feedings and coos

what if things weren't so quiet here

what if I could read a book and sing a soft lullaby before bed

what if, when I couldn't sleep, I could sneak into the nursery and just watch my little love sleep.


Those are just some of the things I miss and I miss them all the time.

I know I can't permanently live in the "what ifs" of life...
but just for today, I'm going to admit how often that little phrase crosses my mind and how often that Baby crosses my mind.

It may not seem like much... but for a little while last year, despite fear and disbelief, I knew that my dream of being a mom would soon come true, and that little Hope rooted quickly in my heart.

So today I think about Hope ...and Thank God for that brief joy of motherhood and the promise of life beyond this earth.


  1. You and I alike, wandering into "what if" land more than we'd care to admit. It hurts so much and I'm so sorry. One day ...